Intimate Details with Dr. Tiff
A safe space for intimate conversations with some of the most dynamic and magnetic people you'll ever want to meet, Intimate Details with Dr. Tiff is like sitting down with your favorite bougie auntie, bestie, therapist. So grab yourself a drink and a nosh, pull up a chair and lean all the way in. We're going deep and it promises to be one helluva ride.
Hosted by: Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry
Produced & Edited by: Rideia Wilson
Intimate Details with Dr. Tiff
It's Day 23 & I need HELP!
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As we embark on Day 23 of The ONE Within 30-Day Journaling Challenge, we unravel the intricacies of personal growth and its profound impact on relationships. Listen as Dr. Tiff shares her own journey of learning to ask for help, highlighting the importance of collaboration in personal growth and the ways it enriches relationships.
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About Our Host:
Intimate Details with Dr. Tiff is hosted by Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry. Follow Dr. Tiff at @DrTiffanieTV on Instagram and learn more about upcoming programs, challenges and services at www.DrTiffanieHenry.com
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Hello and welcome to day 23 of the One Within 30-Day Journaling Challenge 23 days. We have made it here this is Intimate Details with Dr Tiff. I am Dr Tiffany Davis, henry and I have been just walking you guys through every day on this challenge. Many of you have signed up for the challenge at drtiffanyhenrycom. You are trudging away with us, you're communicating, we're going back and forth and figuring out some of the most amazing things that you are realizing as you take this journey, as we journey together on this challenge. And also, many of you did not sign up for the challenge, found your way here, welcome, and you're following along on the podcast. So in both cases, I'm glad that you're here, I'm glad that you're thugging it out and that you're sticking with it with us and going through this challenge.
Speaker 1:Today is the 23rd day and I am heading to New York to go do an episode of the Drew Barrymore show. This is actually my second or third time doing her show. I've done it. I did it virtually, I think, twice. That's why I can't remember how many times I've done it. I'd done it virtually twice, I believe, during COVID. Covid is still a thing, but I am going up to New York to do this one in person, weather permitting. The weather here is crazy, the weather there is crazy, but they know how to handle it. We are here in Atlanta, georgia. We do not so prayerfully pray for my people. I will be on when you're listening to this. Hopefully I'm on a plane and doing the Lord's work on that show, all right.
Speaker 1:So today is 23 of the one within 30 day journaling challenge, and today's prompt is a personal growth map. I love, love, love, love this. I love this because this is what it's all about Three areas of personal growth, your personal growth that you'd like to focus on. How will focusing on these areas impact your romantic relationship? So, personal growth three areas you wanna focus on and how it will impact your romantic relationship. So, personal growth three areas you want to focus on and how it will impact your romantic relationships. So here's why I really love this particular prompt. Let me fix my microphone. Here's why I really love this particular prompt because this is the time of year. We're in January.
Speaker 1:You may be, you know, just finding out about this challenge on YouTube or you know, doing a deep dive into the podcast, so it may not be January where you are when you're listening, but if you're listening, you know, as as we are uploading, it's January and this is a time of year where people will often do vision boards and I, one day, I may do a vision, I may do a virtual vision boarding. Uh, one day. I've thought about it. It's been suggested to me. I don't know, and the reason why I feel that way is because I feel like vision boards a lot of time. The way in which they've been done, I don't like it. I should probably do it and do it the way that I think they should be done.
Speaker 1:The first thing is I don't think that you start setting goals at the time that you want to implement goals. Does that make sense? I think you should start setting vision boarding experience, right, I would probably want to do it a month or so prior to when I wanted that goal to actually wanted to actually start working on the goal. Perfect example If let's say I wanted to lose 10 pounds for my high school reunion, that's in April, I don't start trying to lose those 10 pounds in April, right? I start back in January or December or September of the previous year. I want to make sure that I have enough time to do what I need to do. I also want to plan out how I'm going to do it.
Speaker 1:Many times with vision boarding and I know this is not what we are doing, but it is very similar this question kind of just led me this way. Many times with vision boarding, we just put a picture, we cut out something from a magazine, we put words, or we put something on a poster board or you know a document, and we say this is what I want, this is what I want to, this is what I want to do, what I want to be, what I want to have, and then that's it. Problem with that for me is well, how. We haven't talked about how you're going to do that. What's the plan, sis? What I want you to work through today is what is your, what is your goal for your personal growth? What do you want to focus on? What's the thing? What's the thing, what's the vision? What do you want to aspire to, do, be have in your personal life, in your personal life?
Speaker 1:I also want you to write how you plan to do that. You can't tell me you want to be a doctor but have no plans of going back to school. That ain't gonna work. And you can't tell me. You have plans of going back to school without telling me. Okay, how are you going to do that? And work, too, and take care of them kids, and take care of your spouse. That, and work too and take care of them kids, and take care of your, your spouse. There are some things that have to be supports, that have to be set in place in order for you to accomplish that goal. So what I'm asking you to do is think about how you're going to accomplish that, what you need in order to focus more on your personal growth in those areas. What assistance do you need? I'm realizing. I realized this last year, but I'm realizing more and more, and I said it even today I need help.
Speaker 1:I can't be the best of who I am without help, and my toxic trait is not asking for help. It's not asking or trying to figure things out on my own and doing everything on my own and then being overwhelmed because I'm doing way too much. I think my other toxic trait is probably that I'm cheap and I don't want to pay somebody for something that I could do that I can learn and do myself. But the reality is time is money and I need help, and I also need to be doing things that are within my zone of genius, not my zone of figure out ability. So personal growth for me is outsourcing, learning how to depend on others, learning how to ask for help, pay for what I need rather than trying to figure out, tinkering, and learning how to do something that took me away from my zone of genius and waste my time when it could be used to do something else I have. I cannot tell you how many programs and ideas that I have for you, for this community, for the Becoming the One community so many things that I would like to do, but my current reality is that if I don't enlist the help of others, I don't know when y'all gonna get it. It's gonna be a month of Sundays, but I need to do that, and so that's an area of personal growth for me that I need to focus on going forward.
Speaker 1:Now, how does that impact my relationship? Well, you can imagine that if I am that way in business tell truth and shame to devil. I'm also like that in life with my partner. There are things that I want to try and do and not ask him for help, for I can do it myself. I want to figure it out without asking you, and I think that in a way, it prohibits closeness, it prohibits connectedness. There are things that he wants to do for me, but since I give him the I got it, I can do it. I want to figure it out. He toggles between like, okay, do I push on this or do I let her have, you know, the autonomy to you know, and the agency of what she wants to do and and you know she's grown she can ask for help if she needs it.
Speaker 1:But you know what? The result of me being so kind of independent and trying to do everything? I think the negative of that is that you end up doing a lot of things alone. You end up doing a lot of things alone and you start to resent that why do I have to do all of these things? Why isn't anyone else helping? Well, sis, honey, you basically let them know that you don't, that you like. You basically said I like doing things this way. The truth is, I absolutely hate it. I absolutely hate it. There's got to be a better way to ask for help being able to stay in my lane, stay in my zone of genius and really allow other people around me, whether that's in work or in relationship, romantic relationship or whatever, allowing them to kind of operate in their zone of genius. Maybe they already know. Biggest lesson, greatest lesson, let me tell you, when I was setting up the platform in Teachable for actually I wasn't even setting up in Teachable, full disclosure, this program I started working on the program that I'm working on for you guys to build out in Cartra, which is another online platform, right, and Cartra was recommended to me by my business coach Cartra, I'm sure, because my business coach uses it and a lot of the people in our cohort use it. They love it.
Speaker 1:I could not figure that shit out to save my life. Okay, I got stuck and worked for two weeks just trying to get my email and URL over there and attached and set up. I think I figured out the email, but for some reason the URL, I just could not figure it out. I didn't know how to do it and I'm somebody who I've built websites for myself, I've done you know all these technical things or semi-technical things, right? So I'm like I should be able to do this. I can do this Like I'm not. Why would I pay somebody to do something that, like, I've done 50 million times. But for whatever reason, cartra's platform. For me it wasn't as intuitive as I am used to things being, so I couldn't really navigate it on my own. So finally, I went on to Fiverr and I found this guy, um out of Pakistan, who that was one of his gigs. He said I can get your URL up to Fiverr for, like I wanna say it was like $50. It might've even been 25, whatever it was.
Speaker 1:I was so at my wit's end and I had spent an inordinate amount of time and hours that I could have been spending on actually doing the program, putting in the work to like build the program Right, I had spent all this time doing that that I'm like I don't even have the mental bandwidth to do anything else. So I just said can you do this for me? He was like yes, let me tell you, this man had this thing done in 15 minutes. I spent so much time trying to do this myself. When I paid this man, let's say, $25, $50, somewhere in there, and it took him mere minutes to get it done. That was a huge wake up call for me and I called my husband and tell him like I just called this guy and he did it in 15 minutes and he's like that's huge for you. It's like that's so huge for you that you actually asked somebody to do work for you. And, like you asked, you asked because, when I tell you, I would have just spent months on it but I knew that I couldn't. So, anyway, I say all that to say and now and now, look, we're on Teachable doing this because I still couldn't figure out Kartra and it just seemed I am.
Speaker 1:I am the type of person even if I'm going to outsource something, I want to be able to do it myself, because you never know, when you outsource things like a people, people have lives too and you know life be life in, and something may come up for them or I may have something that I want to do really quickly and I can't wait on them to do it, and I want to be able to upload things myself, or, you know, know the process at least, so that if they are gone and I need to train someone else, I can do it Anyway. So that is, that was the biggest wake up call for me, just figuring out that. Wow, how much simpler and easier, more efficient, more creative, more relaxed, more fun I can be just by asking someone else to do what they are good at and letting go of. I don't have to be good at everything. The other people can be good at other things and we can share collectively in our genius. I can depend on others knowing that if it is their wheelhouse, they can get it done and I don't even have to worry about it. I can just pay for it. I can just pay for it and be done. So long way of like that's.
Speaker 1:That's the kind of thing that I want you guys to think about. What are some things? What are areas of personal growth? Personal Cause this is very personal for me. Like this is a personal growth thing that I have to do, have to focus on, but it absolutely is going to impact my romantic relationships and really every relationship. Okay, cause it's going to free me up to be more of me, and that's a great thing. That's a great thing. All right, guys, this has been day 23 of the one within 30 day journaling challenge. I hope you guys enjoyed this prompt and we'll come back for more tomorrow. Okay, I will see you soon. Bye.
