Intimate Details with Dr. Tiff
A safe space for intimate conversations with some of the most dynamic and magnetic people you'll ever want to meet, Intimate Details with Dr. Tiff is like sitting down with your favorite bougie auntie, bestie, therapist. So grab yourself a drink and a nosh, pull up a chair and lean all the way in. We're going deep and it promises to be one helluva ride.
Hosted by: Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry
Produced & Edited by: Rideia Wilson
Intimate Details with Dr. Tiff
Day 16 of TOW: Owning Failure
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Can you honestly say you've owned up to your role in your relationship dynamics? Let's uncover the truth about our personal contributions to the success or breakdown of our romantic relationships. Day 16 of the One Within 30 Day Journaling Challenge is all about confronting the complexities of emotional baggage and unresolved issues. Today, we're not just identifying problems. We're reflecting and taking responsibility, setting the stage for healthier relationships going forward.
About Our Host:
Intimate Details with Dr. Tiff is hosted by Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry. Follow Dr. Tiff at @DrTiffanieTV on Instagram and learn more about upcoming programs, challenges and services at www.DrTiffanieHenry.com
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Hi there, it's Day 16 of The ONE Within 30-Day Journaling Challenge. This is Dr Tiff, host of Intimate Details with Dr Tiff, and I hope you guys are doing well. Hope you're doing well. This is day 16. And you know, we're just, we're just trudging along. I'm super excited that we've made it this far. We're officially over halfway through. Amazing. We're officially over halfway through.
Dr. Tiffanie Henry:And yesterday was meditation. I hope you guys enjoyed it. I hope you guys were able to set aside your time to do that. If you did not, please go back and do that one, because I feel like right now, especially with everything that's going on in the world, meditation is something that is desperately needed. We need to breathe, we need to regather, regroup, we need to sit with some things and we just need to. I mean, we just need to pray, honey. We need to. I mean, we just need to pray, honey. We need to pray. There's a lot, lot going on out here that we need to pray about, pray for, and I encourage you if you did not have a chance to do day 15, please go back and do that so that you'll be caught up, but also so that you can spend that necessary time, you know, doing what you need to do to take care of yourself. Okay, I'm super proud that we have made it this far and that we're continuing to do the work. I've heard so much feedback from you guys and want to continue to hear more. So, guys, please, please, please, please. I said guys, but you know I mean you, right? Ladies, women, people, please do feel free to text me by going to the show notes. There's a link up at the top that says you know, tell me how you enjoy this podcast. Text your girl. So text me. It'll come directly to me if you do that, but also if you are a part of the challenge, meaning that you're not just, you know, watching the replays on YouTube and not just and you can comment on YouTube too. Please do that. But you're not just, you know, listening to the podcast, but you actually did sign up for the challenge. You can also comment in the portal, so please do that as well. Okay, all right. So we are on day 16. And day 16 is all about your, who, your contribution. Glad we did meditation yesterday because this could be, this could be a lot for some people.
Dr. Tiffanie Henry:I think one of the things that's really hard in relationship is like owning our part. One of the things that can be really challenging for people in relationship is owning their part in why something went wrong, owning their part in why things didn't work out, owning their part in, you know, the demise of the relationship, and so we need to take ownership, people. We need to take ownership of what we bring to the table, what we leave at the table, when we don't clear off the table or when we bring extra things to the table that don't really serve or benefit the relationship. I kind of think about it as, speaking of tables and references, food, it all goes back to food, doesn't it? Think about if you told someone you were having a fiesta dinner, right? You told them that the theme of the food, um, and the drinks and all of that was going to be, um, you know, a Mexican fiesta, and so you know to bring, bring something right. And so everyone comes. You know they bring, you know the margaritas, the chips and salsa, the queso, the carne asada, the arroz con pollo, all of the things, the enchiladas. And then you know somebody comes in with some wings, some spaghetti, some bratwurst. Okay, somebody come in with something that has nothing to do with what we're here to do. We're here to have our little fiesta. Okay, we're having our Mexican meal and you're coming in here with hot dogs and ham, but that ain't what we asked for. You done brought something that don't nobody want. It don't fit in, it's not, it's not giving what it's supposed to gave. Okay, bring a margarita. Okay, you know. And if you can't bring us, if you can't bring some food because everybody ain't able a sombrero, would be just fine. Okay, but don't be bringing no bratwurst to the fiesta.
Dr. Tiffanie Henry:So some of us come into a relationship and we bring something with us that was not on the menu. Ain't nobody asked for that. That attitude, okay, that baggage, all of the things that we're bringing into relationship. Past hurts, you know. It doesn't necessarily work out. So what I want you to do for today's journal prompt, it's all about contribution, what you're bringing in, okay.
Dr. Tiffanie Henry:So the prompt reads think back on your past, romantic relationships past. It could be the present one, though. If you're in a relationship right now and your things are not going the way you want them to in this relationship, I want you to think about if you would consider this relationship failing, in the process of failing. What are the biggest contributions. If we're talking about current and if we're talking about past, what were your biggest contributions? Yours, not theirs, not anybody else's, because we can't change them. Remember, okay, what were your biggest contributions to the failures of these relationships? Think back to your past romantic relationships. What were your biggest contributions to the failures in these relationships?
Dr. Tiffanie Henry:This is a prompt that is gonna cause you to reflect on what you bring to the table, what you brought to the table and what you should have left instead of bringing. Okay, nobody asked for that, okay, so if it was, I'm just throwing things out there as I always do. Maybe you here's one, maybe you work too much. Right, if the relationship failed because you didn't invest, excuse me, as much time as maybe it needed, maybe you can. You can acknowledge I was super focused on, you know, my career and what I wanted to accomplish at work, that I didn't put in the time and energy that it would have taken to sustain, maintain that relationship. So maybe it was work. Maybe it was that I over-functioned in this relationship.
Dr. Tiffanie Henry:I work with a lot of women who their major issue in relationship, in their lack of satisfaction in their relationships, is that their partners don't do enough to sustain their love in relationship, and what I mean by that is that their chief complaint is you know, everyone in my household, or the person that I'm partnered with in my relationship, expects me to do all of the heavy lifting they expect me like. If we need to go to therapy, I'm the one that has to make the appointment. I'm the one that has to seek out the therapist If it's, if it's somebody's birthday, I'm the one who always have to think about everyone else. I have to organize everything. If there's a trip going on, I'm the one that always has to buy everything. I have to make sure that we have our tickets, that everything is planned. I'm the one that does this. I'm the one that does that.
Dr. Tiffanie Henry:Right, that is a burden, but we also have to think about when someone else wants to take over. How do we let them? Do we have a takeover spirit? Wants to take over? How do we let them? Do we have a takeover spirit? Do we tend to overcompensate and overfunction in relationships, which allows others or gives others the permission to sit back and say, oh, she's got it, I don't have to do anything? Do we tell them don't worry about it, I got it.
Dr. Tiffanie Henry:Do we say that often we got to think about why that is we got to think about. Is it that I'm a control freak? Is it that I don't trust anybody else to do anything? Or is it that people have not come through for me in the past and when I did rely on other people to do it, they didn't do it right. They didn't do it the way I would have done it. They didn't do it the way I would have done it. They didn't do it as quickly as I would have done it, or they just dropped the ball and didn't do it at all. So rather than ask someone to do something for me, I'm just gonna go and do it before they ever ask and then be resentful that no one ever jumps up to help. They're not jumping up to help because you've made it clear that you don't want them to help, even if, deep down, you do what. That says I don't got it. I need help. Okay, you gotta think about. Sometimes our strength can be our greatest weakness. You know, sometimes we outdo ourselves to the point where no one can step in and help.
Dr. Tiffanie Henry:What is your contribution to why some of your previous relationships did not go so well? How did you contribute to that. Maybe the relationship failed because you didn't articulate what you needed and rather than articulating what you need, you had a bad attitude. You had a bad attitude because they couldn't read your mind. You know you weren't able to. That could be it. That could be it. There are so many reasons why relationships don't go the way they are planned and certainly there are some instances where you know someone just does you wrong. They're just not right for you, you're not compatible.
Dr. Tiffanie Henry:In an environment where this lasted as long as it did, how did I sweep things under the rug? What did I say or not say that caused this relationship not to work as it should have? Okay, so today's prompt is about owning your part, owning your part. So, if you need to list out those past relationships, if it's your current relationship, go ahead and put the name up there, okay, and then you can either list the things that are not working in the relationship or you can just, you know, talk about your contributions. I would prefer you know but again, this is your journal, not mine. I would prefer, if you talked about the relationship what the failures or breakdowns were and then your contributions to said failures or breakdowns. Okay, hopefully that's clear, and I didn't ramble too much today, but if I did, you know, pick up what you need, leave the rest. Okay, this is your journal.
Dr. Tiffanie Henry:I'm so, so, so, so proud of you for continuing on this walk and doing this hard work, because it's not easy and again, this should be the theme everybody ain't able. If you guys need any help, you guys know where to find me. I wanna thank you so much for continuing to take part in this challenges. This work is super important and critical and I just applaud you for doing it, because not everybody does, not everybody takes the time to really explore how they can show up better in their relationships. So thank you so much for doing that. All right, all right, this has been day 16. We made it. We're over halfway done. Tomorrow is day 17 and I can't wait to do that one with you. All right, ciao.
