Intimate Details with Dr. Tiff
A safe space for intimate conversations with some of the most dynamic and magnetic people you'll ever want to meet, Intimate Details with Dr. Tiff is like sitting down with your favorite bougie auntie, bestie, therapist. So grab yourself a drink and a nosh, pull up a chair and lean all the way in. We're going deep and it promises to be one helluva ride.
Hosted by: Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry
Produced & Edited by: Rideia Wilson
Intimate Details with Dr. Tiff
Day 8: Your "TYPE" Is Holding You Back!
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Ever wondered if your idea of a perfect partner is actually holding you back?Today's episode dives deep into our beliefs about love, exposing how some of them may limit our opportunities for meaningful connections. We explore the importance of self-reflection in understanding which beliefs serve us and how they impact our relationship choices.
Doors to The ONE Within Journaling Challenge will close this Friday, Jan 10, 2025. To join, visit https://drtiffaniehenry.teachable.com/p/the-one-within before registration ends.
If you enjoyed this episode and want to share your thoughts, don't hesitate to text me!
About Our Host:
Intimate Details with Dr. Tiff is hosted by Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry. Follow Dr. Tiff at @DrTiffanieTV on Instagram and learn more about upcoming programs, challenges and services at www.DrTiffanieHenry.com
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Hey, there it's Dr Tiff host of Intimate Details with Dr Tiff, and we are on day eight of the One Within 30 Day Journaling Challenge. I am so excited. We made it through a full week, a whole solid week of journal entries. You guys, looking back over your lives and thinking things over, if y'all went to church back in the day, y'all know that song, okay, and if you didn't just look it up, okay. When I look back over my life, okay. All right, we're at day eight and I told you yesterday, based on the prompt yesterday, that I had something else that I want to say, and so I'm going to start with that and then we'll get into the day eight prompt, okay.
Dr. Tiffanie Henry:So yesterday we talked about our ideal relationships and our ideal love vision, rather, and describing our ideal partner in details and what qualities are non-negotiable. I went on to talk a little bit about the experience that I had in working with Chilli from TLC, on what Chilli wants back in the day and types, right. So listen up, people, and I'm going to repost today a video that I did shoot. I shot it probably like a year and a half ago or so, but I'll repost it probably to my stories on Instagram and it's all about types, right. And so what I didn't want to say yesterday because I didn't want to taint what you were writing or what you were thinking, because it wasn't really related but there's a thing that we many of us have done, right? I know that I did this a lot when I was younger. I had a type or at least I thought I did and so sometimes I wanted you to write out what you thought about your ideal partner and the non-negotiables and what they. You know, when you close your eyes and really think about in detail who they are, what they are, what they do, all of those things, you are basically saying this is my ideal type of partner and some of those things are going to be extremely valid.
Dr. Tiffanie Henry:A lot of those non-negotiables like if you're someone who believes in God and goes to church every Sunday and really loves to worship you, probably one of your non-negotiables is probably going to be that they're going to have to love. Like I said yesterday, love the Lord. Okay, you probably are going to feel that way and that's okay. Some things are going to be nonnegotiable and some things you will be able to have some wiggle room the difficulty with having a type for a lot of people is that if they don't fit into that box, that if they don't look the way they think they're supposed to look, if they don't dress the way they're supposed to dress or think they should dress, or if they don't have the type of job or the type of money or the type of education, or if they didn't come from a certain type of family, if they weren't raised in a certain way, didn't go to this type of school, then we just take them off the list completely and we ignore a lot of things that aren't on that list.
Dr. Tiffanie Henry:That's the problem with the type is that sometimes we get so fixated on. I want them to match all of these qualities on this list, but I'm not looking at the person's heart, how good they are in other areas, how, how I've had this type 50 times over and it has led me down a path of destruction. I know I'm talking to somebody. I know I am Just when you look at that list from day seven. I want you.
Dr. Tiffanie Henry:The additional question you might want to go back and ask yourself is how does this serve me? How has me being fixated or latching on to insistent upon these qualities? How has it worked out for me in relationships with the people that met this criteria the ones that I've been with that had all that, checked all of these boxes. Where are they now? How did it end up? Okay, why am I taking this journaling challenge? Okay, I want you to ask yourself how it's worked out for you, because what that list does sometimes for people is it creates blinders where we're so focused on the things on that list that we don't see other things that are super important as well. Our list is important because we learn a lot about what we like. We also will learn about the individual things that we don't like. Okay, they may check every box, but they also may be a low down dirty dog, and you gotta be able to receive that that they can be two things at one time. They can be fine as hell and a scallywag I don't get the opportunity to use that word very often, so I thought I'd throw it out there, but anyway, yes.
Dr. Tiffanie Henry:So that is what I wanted to say about day seven. Let me know in the comments or, better yet, text me If on the show notes pull up the show notes there's a little button there right at the top. This is if you like the episode, text me. You have a comment about that, about types and all of that. I can go one-on-one. But if you have a comment or want to say something, just text me, honey, text me, text the show and let me know how you feel.
Dr. Tiffanie Henry:All right, we are on day eight. Today. Day eight, day eight, is our love beliefs inventory. Y'all know I love a good inventory. Come on now. All right, what are your current beliefs about love and relationships? List them out and analyze which ones are serving you and which are not. I mean, why did I jump ahead? Okay, why did I jump ahead? Because I basically just told y'all to do that, but I was talking about for day seven.
Dr. Tiffanie Henry:So, anyway, what are your current beliefs about love and relationships? What do you believe about love and relationships? What do you know to be true about love? What do you believe about relationships? Some people may say things like or I've heard these things from people that I work with I don't believe in love. Everybody cheats, cheats. Men aren't capable of being faithful. Women don't enjoy sex. We just do it for our partners. In order for someone to love you, you have to dot, dot, dot. It's okay if I don't receive the type of love that I give. As long as my partner pays the bills, provides is a good parent, I don't have to be loved. That is them showing me that they love me. Those are things that people you know may believe about love, about their relationships.
Dr. Tiffanie Henry:I want you to dig deep, really scratch, scratch the surface. What are current beliefs about love and relationships? List those things out. List as many as you can and really analyze which ones of those beliefs that you hold Okay. List those things out, list as many as you can and really analyze which ones of those beliefs that you hold Okay.
Dr. Tiffanie Henry:These are things that you believe at your core right. Which of those actually help you? Does it help you to believe this? Here's the thing. You know how sometimes you tell yourself something, because that's what gets you through. I keep telling myself that dairy. I keep telling myself that you know your body needs dairy, dairy is good for you. That you know you have to have, you know cream in your coffee, that you that it's okay to have cheese and and and ice cream and and all the things. But I also know that I'm lactose intolerant. So like I'm not saying that I am, although you know black. So probably what I am saying is we tell ourselves things to justify why we stay, why we allow, why we put up with all the things.
Dr. Tiffanie Henry:So when you're listing out these beliefs and love, I want you to also analyze does this belief that I hold about this partnership, this love, this relationship, the belief that I have? Let's say, let's go back to the previous example, let's say the previous belief. The belief was I don't need to be loved in the way that I love. It's fine that my partner doesn't love in the same way that I do. It's fine that my partner love the way that he shows love. He or she shows love is that he pays the bills, he takes care of the kids, he makes sure I don't have to want for anything and that's okay. Is that serving you? That's what I'm asking you. Is that serving you? Does that serve you? Is that what you truly believe? Do you believe that? Or is that what you told yourself in order to justify and make sure that and make it okay that you aren't getting the love that you want? That's what I'm saying. Okay, that's what I'm saying.
Dr. Tiffanie Henry:So I want you to go through your list. I really don't mean for this to be as difficult and or confrontational or just as deep and dark and uncomfortable. But I guess I do, because it's through the discomfort that we're going to get to a place where we understand our why, why we're doing the things that we're doing, why we show up in the discomfort that we're gonna get to a place where we understand our why, why we're doing the things that we're doing, why we show up in the way that we do, why we carry on the way we carry on, why we have the relationships that we have and how we can begin to call in something different. Okay, that's what I want for you and that's why we're going through all of this and doing all these questions. Okay, I'm done.
Dr. Tiffanie Henry:Day eight is over. We've done it. Ok, go ahead, fill out your prompt, do your things and I'm going to see you. Maybe I'll show up on day nine. Listen, we're all going to get the prompts on day nine.
Dr. Tiffanie Henry:Ok, whether I do this podcast or not, don't be coming here, just expect, because one day I'm going to be tired, one day I'm going to be like, you know, I don't have it in me. One day I'm going to be like I'm not going to pre-record. I'm not going to do anything. I'll procrastinate and be like, ooh, I'm going to do it on the day of, and then come to find out life. So don't rely on me to show up for these podcasts, honey. I'm going to show up in your inbox and let you know that journal prompt is ready every day. Okay, it's already scheduled, so I know that's going to happen, but perhaps I'll be here tomorrow to remind you and walk you through this prompt. Let's pray to God that that happens. Okay, that would be so nice if it does. I don't believe I'm going to do all 30 days, though. Here we are, day eight, and I'm still rocking and rolling. Look at God.
