Intimate Details with Dr. Tiff
A safe space for intimate conversations with some of the most dynamic and magnetic people you'll ever want to meet, Intimate Details with Dr. Tiff is like sitting down with your favorite bougie auntie, bestie, therapist. So grab yourself a drink and a nosh, pull up a chair and lean all the way in. We're going deep and it promises to be one helluva ride.
Hosted by: Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry
Produced & Edited by: Rideia Wilson
Intimate Details with Dr. Tiff
TOW Day 6: Compromise For No One
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Are you guilty of compromising your boundaries? Don't worry sweetie! We all are. Let's uncover your "why" in Day 6 of The ONE Within Journaling Challenge. With insights from Dr. Tiff, we're not here to assign blame, but to ignite a journey of self-discovery and personal accountability, recognizing these instances as a powerful step toward improving the way you connect with others, and yourself.
About Our Host:
Intimate Details with Dr. Tiff is hosted by Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry. Follow Dr. Tiff at @DrTiffanieTV on Instagram and learn more about upcoming programs, challenges and services at www.DrTiffanieHenry.com
For media inquiries, feel free to email at hello@drtiffanietv.com. If you're interested in supporting the podcast through sponsorship or wish to book your client to be featured on our program, email us at intimatedetailspod@gmail.com
All interviews are available for viewing on YouTube. Click the link below or tap HERE to WATCH EACH EPISODE! https://www.youtube.com/@DrTiffanieTV/podcasts
Hi, there it's me, Dr. Tiff. Welcome to Intimate Details with Dr Tiff. It's Day 6 of the One Within 30 Day Journaling Challenge and I'm excited. A little tired, but I am excited to be here and excited that you continue to thug it out with me and do the work. How are you guys feeling? I hope everybody is well. I am well. It's a Monday. I got a few things I need to get done.
Dr. Tiffanie Henry:I'm officially back at work. I've been off this whole holiday season since the week before Christmas, so I've had about two and a half solid weeks of just being off and I have loved it. But today, today, I am going back to work. I am working on a television project. As many of you know, I am. I work in television and film as an intimacy coordinator, which, of course, we can talk about at any given time, but it's a behind the scenes job. I make sure that my actors, really the whole production, is safe and that the actors that are doing scenes with nudity or simulated sex or just intimate scenes, that they are feeling safe and protected and that you know they're showing up knowing what is expected of them and not doing anything that they don't feel comfortable with. So I have a project that I'm where. I can't really talk about it just yet, but once once it comes out and it will be out in February I can talk about it. I can talk about the fact that I'm. That's the show that I'm doing, but I can't wait to share it with you because it is such a good show. It's such a good show I think it is anyway, I think it will be.
Dr. Tiffanie Henry:So I am going to work on a few scenes this afternoon, but this morning, this morning, we are talking about day six of the one within 30 day journaling challenge. We are almost closing out this first week and I'm so proud of you guys for just hanging in there with me and doing the work, and I'm hoping I know that we've been talking about a lot of things I promise you it's all going to come together, all going to make sense, all going to work out for the glory of God. You are going to see a dramatic transformation by the end of this 30 days. You are going to know so much more about yourself, realize so much more about yourself, yourself in relationship and yourself outside of relationship, and things are going to just. You're going to start. Things are going to start clicking on all cylinders. Just click, click, click, click, click. So I'm really, really excited for you guys. So day six let's go, let's see what's on on the docket for day six.
Dr. Tiffanie Henry:Today is all about boundaries in relationships. Again, y'all keep telling me that you know I'm stepping on necks and getting all up in the business, but that's what this process is about. It is about uncovering our BS so that we can deal with it and, you know, hopefully, let not let it impede upon the relationships that we want, need, deserve and desire going forward. So the prompt here, the question is prompt, rather think about a time you compromised your boundaries in a relationship. How did that make you feel? Think about a time when you compromise your boundaries in a relationship and how it made you feel. Now I could, I think we can go in. I think we all have a story. I feel like we all have a time and I feel like that is life right In any relationship, whether it's a romantic relationship, relationship with our kids, parents, church members, co-workers, friendships, sorority, sister, like you will, you can throw a rock and hit a relationship and understand it.
Dr. Tiffanie Henry:There will have been times where a boundary might have been crossed. You did something you didn't really want to do, but because the person asked, or because they made you feel guilty, or because you were pressured, or because you just you didn't know how to say no. Perhaps there's some codependency going on. So many reasons. We've all been there. There is absolutely no judgment. You live, you learn, you grow. Hopefully you know better now. But think of a time you compromised your boundaries in a relationship and just think about that time. Write out when that was, write out who. It was okay. And then, after you've done that, really think about not how the person made you feel, but how you yourself felt having compromised yourself.
Dr. Tiffanie Henry:Not I don't want to hear about, not that you're going to tell me anyway, but I want to hear that, wow, I was really mad at them because they asked me to do this, or I was really mad because they treated me like this and I had just done all of this. I'm not asking you about that. I want to know how you felt about having compromised your boundaries. There could be an instance where you feel like you know what. I didn't want to compromise my boundaries in this way, but because of the circumstance, I'm glad that I did, because I wouldn't have learned X, y and Z, or I wish I feel horrible about having done that because it led me down this path of doing dot, dot, dot, dot dot. Feel how you feel, but I don't want you to think about these feelings. As you know, this person made me feel this way. I want you to own whatever feeling it is you have. I hope that. I hope I'm saying that clearly and that it made sense.
Dr. Tiffanie Henry:So think of a time you compromise your boundaries in a relationship and then how you felt after you realized damn, I compromised myself. I shouldn't have done that. That's not what I wanted to do. I drew this line in the sand and I allowed people to cross it and not suffer any consequences for it, or I allow them to take advantage of me in this way, and I need you and I think this is part of what I'm trying to say here we have to take ownership of the compromise. That's it. We have to take ownership of the compromise. It is very easy to say you know this person took advantage of me and certainly in some situations, you know the onus is absolutely on them, right.
Dr. Tiffanie Henry:But we also have to take ownership and responsibility when we set a boundary and we allow someone to not heed that boundary, to cross over, to compromise it or to allow for them to not respect the boundary, I would say that we teach people how to treat us. We teach people how to treat us. We also teach people how to mistreat us too, but that's a whole nother story for another day. Perhaps that'll be a journal prompt later. We teach people how to treat us, and when I say that, what I'm saying is we set a boundary for people, and when they cross that boundary or don't respect that boundary, it is what we do in response to that that teaches them whether that's OK, whether that's permissible, if, if, if, we will uphold and respect our own boundary that we set. Because a lot of times, what we we are teaching them is you know, yeah, I set this boundary, you didn't respect it. I'm not going to enforce the respect, which basically means I don't respect my own boundaries. So then how am I asking somebody else to respect it? Right? So then they know I don't have to respect her boundaries because she doesn't respect them either, right? We teach people how to treat us, how to respect us, all of that. So I want you to again.
Dr. Tiffanie Henry:I'm going to say this one over again. Think of a time you compromise your boundaries in a relationship, and how did that make you feel? How did that make you feel? And if we want to, you know, take it a step further. Oh, I didn't even put this on. I didn't even put it. I didn't even put this on here, but I wish I had. So I'm going to say this on the podcast. This will just be a bonus thought prompt. If you want to go a step further, do this.
Dr. Tiffanie Henry:It is the why. Why did we allow ourselves to compromise our boundary? Why do we allow ourselves to compromise our boundary? Why do we allow ourselves to compromise our boundary? Why and why didn't we insist on upholding that boundary with this person? The why is a great question to ask, and it's you're asking yourself. Okay, you don't have to share this with anybody. You're asking yourself why did I do that? Like, really dig don't. And here's the thing, when you say I don't know cause I know that's coming out of half of y'all's mouth I don't know why I did that. I don't know means I don't want to think about it, and I'm telling you to think about it. The question is why? Why did I do that? Why did I let this person back in when I told him if he cheated on me one more time, I was going to leave, or if he cheated on me, period, I was going to leave? Why did I not stand up and say I told you I'm not doing this. I told this person, if I caught them in another lie, I was out. I told this person, if they didn't give me the respect that I gave them, that these things wouldn't happen any longer. But then I went back on it. Tell me why. I want to know why, why you do that, why you do that, why you do that. Write that down too, whereas you're writing all the other stuff down. Write it down too, because we need to know, we need to figure it out. Okay, all right, I love you guys.
Dr. Tiffanie Henry:Thank you so much for continuing on the journey, doing the work. We are going to be so much better for this work. We are gaining so much clarity in ourselves. We are learning our whys, why we've ended up in these types of patterns, in these types of relationships. We are understanding so much more about ourselves and what you will see what I believe that you will see at the end of this process right is that, as you move forward in either your current relationship or future relationships, you will be able to reference the information that we are working on here today and understand.
Dr. Tiffanie Henry:When you show up in those ways, with those habits or with that demeanor, or when you start to see certain patterns start to bubble up, one, you're going to know where they come from, you're going to know why you do it and you're going to be able to think and process through is this justified in this current setting, in this current relationship, in this moment, and hopefully you'll be able to either pull yourself back, recalibrate, reprocess some things and think about how you want to show up in this relationship and if you should show up in this way, or maybe choose something different, all right, so I'm hopeful of that for you. I know that that's what's coming, even if you can't see it yourself. Please trust me. Please trust your girl. She knows a few things, honey. I've been doing this for a minute, okay. Please trust your girl. She knows a few things, honey.
Dr. Tiffanie Henry:I've been doing this for a minute. Okay, I've been doing it for a minute. Thank you so much for trusting me to do this with you. I am honored. I am so honored that you have joined me on this journey, so honored. All right, guys, tomorrow's day seven, that means a full week. We've done a full week. I love you. I love you so much. All right.
