Intimate Details with Dr. Tiff
A safe space for intimate conversations with some of the most dynamic and magnetic people you'll ever want to meet, Intimate Details with Dr. Tiff is like sitting down with your favorite bougie auntie, bestie, therapist. So grab yourself a drink and a nosh, pull up a chair and lean all the way in. We're going deep and it promises to be one helluva ride.
Hosted by: Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry
Produced & Edited by: Rideia Wilson
Intimate Details with Dr. Tiff
Intimacy & Sobriety with Ebony Steele
Embark on a rollercoaster of laughter and sincerity as we chat with the vibrant Ebony Steele and navigate the quirks of life that define us. With a voice that's undeniably unique, Ebony unravels the tapestry of her life.
Prepare to have your mind expanded as we tackle the often whispered-about world of sexual pleasure. Ebony and I candidly dissect the various paths to ecstasy, from the well-trodden clitoral journey to the enigmatic whispers of the G-spot. We strip down the tall tales surrounding size and satisfaction, and address the heated debate over who savors sexual pleasure more – men or women. This episode isn't just about debunking myths; it's an invitation to better understand the mosaic of intimacy and the personal experiences that color our sexual landscapes.
Our final act takes a sobering turn, shedding light on Ebony's relationship with with alcohol. She shares her own wrestle with sobriety, the moments lost in a haze, and the journey toward reclaiming presence in every facet of life. This episode is not just a conversation; it's a heartfelt reminder of the potential for transformation that lies within sobriety and the profound joy of truly being present.
Links:
For more about our guest, please follow Ebony Steel @realebonysteele on Instagram or visit her website, www.ebonyarrington.com
In this episode, we referenced an episode from Season 1: Best Orgasm Ever with Dr. Jackie Walters. Click here to listen. To purchase Perfect Imperfections, with proceeds to benefit 50 Shades of Pink Foundation in support of Breast Cancer, go to https://www.50shadesofpinkfoundation.org/
Dr. Tiff is wearing the Laurel Progressive lenses in Navy from Look Optic. Link available here.
About Our Host:
Intimate Details with Dr. Tiff is hosted by Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry and produced by Rideia Wilson. Follow Dr. Tiff at @DrTiffanieTV on Instagram.
For media inquiries, feel free to email at hello@drtiffanietv.com. If you're interested in supporting the podcast through sponsorship or wish to book your client to be featured on our program, email us at intimatedetailspod@gmail.com
All interviews are available for viewing on YouTube. Click the link below or tap HERE to WATCH EACH EPISODE! https://www.youtube.com/@DrTiffanieTV/podcasts
My guest today is a TV and radio personality, actor, community activist, dance studio owner, hold up, entrepreneur and more. She is a true force to be reckoned with, with a big heart and an even bigger story. Please welcome my guest today, miss Ebony Steele, to interview details with Dr Tiff Ebony.
Ebony Steele:Hello, dr Tiff, and the crowd goes wild.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:And the crowd goes wild, honey, because everybody listen. If someone didn't recognize your name because, let's be honest, there are a couple of Ebony's out there, right If they didn't recognize your name, they know that face and they know this voice.
Ebony Steele:You are.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:Oh well, that's very sweet, but it is so the truth, because I'm telling you, you put, I had asked someone earlier today. I was like, oh yeah, I'm gonna be interviewing. They were like the name kind of sounds. I was like listen, just look her up. Once you see her face, I know, you know who she is and I know, I know because you have such a distinctive, sexy, raspy, just beautiful voice.
Ebony Steele:Oh girl.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:That you know it, you know it.
Ebony Steele:Well, I appreciate that. Let me tell you what's funny, dr Tiff. I would say like 80% of the time when I go through a drive-through, after I place my order, you know, let me get the grilled chicken sandwich and the salad and they'll be like okay, that's well. You know how much prices are now. That'll be 1864, sir, please drive around. So nine times out of 10,. Yeah, it's, sir, a lot. Even when telemarketers call they say I sound like a very kind gay black man. Yeah, I do.
Ebony Steele:If I close my eyes, we all have our things yes yes, so yes, cheekbones on my grandmother's voice is just what it is, and God is good. Can I just say that he decided when he put me together, or put all of us together, he made us special. So this is what you get with me, and what you get with you is someone that is kind, open, undeniably just generous, well-versed and definitely a safe space. So the minute I met you, I felt that way. Look at me scratching, you can tell I'm comfortable with you. I know, I know and it's so.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:It's so funny because I was gonna say like we should probably start Like I ain't on this woman, but for a couple of weeks. Okay, I met her at a Christmas party, at a holiday party that I crashed. Okay, I don't know if you know this A friend of mine, parker, parker Wallace, who's a friend you might know Parker. You know Parker from your days at Coffee with America. She would come on and do cooking segments.
Ebony Steele:Yes, oh yeah, she would be, yes, yes. One of the facilitators. Yes, yes, right she was.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:She's an amazing friend of mine and she's a friend of the podcast. She's been on with us a couple of times and she's like do you wanna go to this? I'm in town, wanna go to this holiday party with me? Might make some excellent connections. She was not wrong and I said sure, I'll go. So I get there, I get to the hotel and Parker I hope she doesn't. I know she's not gonna mind me saying this because she was completely safe, but she's like I don't feel well, I might have the thing that we're all afraid of getting. And so she took a test and she was like I can't go to this party. She's like but you go. And so I went. I never saw her, like we were always in passing and you know she just called me on the phone before I got there and she was like bypass me and go to this party, Bypass me and go straight to the party.
Ebony Steele:Wow, and I'm so glad you did. I'm glad you did. For us to be able to?
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:yes, I'm so glad because we've I think we've run in similar circles around the Atlanta community doing the things that we do.
Ebony Steele:I think so.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:But I've never actually met you and actually actually I thought about this the other day because I think you and I, you and I are potentially Don't say cousins, no, oh, potentially what you know people, you know black people always say I think you might be my cousin. Might be my cousin. No, no, this is even better than being cousins. I think you and I might potentially be naked in the same book.
Ebony Steele:We might be what.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:Naked in a book. Naked, yes, N-A-K-E-D. Did you do Dr Jackie's perfect imperfections that book? It was like a coffee table book for breast cancer.
Ebony Steele:Yes, oh, I was in that book. I was in that book too. You were in that book too. Yes, and we were bucket naked, you all in the name of breast cancer research. I remember that Dr Tiff Wow, Dr Jackie, that's a great soul, isn't it?
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:Yes, yes, she is. She's also a friend of the podcast and, yeah, we've had some great conversations. She was on a few weeks ago last season and we talked about the O-Shot, which was a very fun episode, and she tried her best to convince me to get a shot in my clitoris and G-spot in order to have better organs.
Ebony Steele:Did you do it?
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:I did not do it. I did not. I don't like needles, and a needle in my clitoris is really not something that I feel like the Lord has over my life at this point.
Ebony Steele:When you're calling-. So, you don't like, okay, a needle in your clitoris. So needless to say that you don't have any piercings.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:I do. I used to have a tongue piercing. Ah, ah, ah.
Ebony Steele:You can see the indentation. Let me see do that again. Okay, no cavities. I wish I could do that. My tongue has never been long.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:Is it long?
Ebony Steele:No, it doesn't go far. She has a very happy husband at home.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:And so the thing is, if I was having problems with orgasming, I would Totally go down that road, but I don't feel like that's my, that's not my story. Okay, that might be somebody else's that, that part ain't mine got my own set of issues, but that's my mind, so don't need to do that and Don't want to ask it like I don't want to ask, but Trouble let's talk about that for a second.
Ebony Steele:I'm glad you brought up and I keep forgetting that what you do about, well, orgasms. Let's talk about and, and, and. Help me, because I think I've just learned some stuff by trial and error Getting to the age that I am now. So with orgasms, there's an internal and external orgasm.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:I'm asking so many. No, there are so many different types of orgasms that you can have.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:Okay one based on a lot of different things, but let's just say based on the type of stimulation. There are some, some, some of us, who orgasm very easily through clitoral stimulation, right, so you can just touch it, brush against it for some of us, and you're, you know, immediately goes off. Others of us are stimulated, like to be stimulated Internally and have, you know, really robust vaginal orgasms or G-spot orgasms. Some people get stimulated and and have orgasms from anal stimulation, the perineum, the tissue that's like in between the vagina and the anus. That is very sensitive for some folks and they get between.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:From the vagina and the vagina.
Ebony Steele:Yes, between the anus. Some people, I think, they call that the taint.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:The taint, because it really taint nothing there.
Ebony Steele:It's in between those two sexual organs.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:And.
Ebony Steele:It is so funny how you can hear things one time and it sticks with you. Somebody probably call. I probably heard tanked at the age of 13 and have never forgot it.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:No cuz why which one?
Ebony Steele:so which one? Would you say, pound for pound, if you did? You know a survey, which one do is most intense between all of those types of orgasms intensity.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:intensity is a great, so that's really hard because it's so different for everybody. I will say the most elusive, I'll say probably the most elusive is probably the G spot orgasm, because you kind of got to find the G spot. You know what the vagina is, you know where the clitoris is, where is?
Ebony Steele:the G spot.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:The G spot is About two inches up in the anterior wall of the vagina. I'm gonna stand up for a second. I'm gonna show you. Okay, hold on, let me move this out of the way. I'll move this up too. So I'm standing up, right, nice Tommy. So belly buttons here. Right, let me move this down. Okay, vagina is here. So if I were a guy right and use these, these two fingers and stuck it up here, the G spot is about right here.
Ebony Steele:Okay.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:Okay so, and again, here's my belly button G spots probably about right here is it can be a little different For for women, because some people have long torso or so or whatever, but if you think about it, the barrel of the vagina is only about four inches long.
Ebony Steele:So you don't as far as four inches deep, you mean.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:Yeah, yeah, oh, so that's why.
Ebony Steele:I've heard that really a man can have like three inch penis and still make you orgasm, because the G spot is really only two inches up in there.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:Yeah, it's only about an inch to two inches up there. You're only gonna get about four inches up anyway. So like if you're slung him with, like you know, eight inches, like Only half of that's really gonna get in, because, yeah, but how okay?
Ebony Steele:so it's a stick and take right. So if we're only four inches deep, I know that I've seen I'm just gonna say it like porn or or videos where it seems like if a man has eight inches plus that it's Disappearing, is he damaging us or them?
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:No, no, no, no, but you know how the skin on the penis is like flex, flexible, can I? Right you know so yeah nothing, he's not gonna break anything on himself or you. But yeah, and that four inches, remember that is an estimate. Everybody is, everybody's body is different, so some have a little bit more room, some that canal may be a little bit longer or a little bit shorter, just based on the individual.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:But interesting yes, but the G spot orgasm is a lot more elusive because a lot of people don't know where there are. It may not be as pronounced or profound as others, so the stimulation pattern might be different in in some, some women, as opposed to others. The orgasm that is usually most easy and most consistent is the clitoral orgasm because, yes, so many More nerve endings in the clitoris, and the clitoris is interesting. This is such a crazy conversation. This is not where this interview supposed to be going.
Ebony Steele:No, but I love it because I'm sure, if I'm asking, I'm sure a lot of other people have these questions. Right, right.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:So the clitoral orgasm. So the clitoris is built up of a whole bunch of different nerve endings, more nerve endings than anywhere else on the body, and it is the same embryonic tissue as the penis. So if you think about how much sensation guys get out of their penis, we're getting that same amount of sensation Right at right, at the clitoris. So it doesn't take a lot of stimulation for us to become more aroused and for that arousal to then turn into orgasm. So a lot, of, a lot, of a lot of people, especially like with toy play and things like that, they target the area of the clitoris because it's such an easy, easy, easy orgasm an easy a if you it really it is, and I think that and we talked about this at the Christmas party and I think the question.
Ebony Steele:Let me ask, let me see if you remember this question, doctor Tiff, because I asked, pound for pound, who is Right inch for inch, who enjoys sex more? Is it women or men? Because it seems like men enjoy it more, or Is it just that men are more verbal about it, or do they just have more of a sex drive?
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:I Feel like it's all of those things, and it also depends on the stage in which we are in life. I will say that I have been someone who, like I feel like it at different stages in our lives. Right, we may find ourselves being the higher desire partner, meaning we have a higher sex driver, higher desire Than our partner, and then at other stages in our life we, our sex drive, may be in the tank and our partner is the one that really is kind of driving it. One thing that's really interesting and I've heard this when I was when it, when I was in school, and I always kind of have found it to be true the person with the lower sex drive controls the sex, sex in the relationship.
Ebony Steele:Oh, that makes sense.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:Because if y'all don't, if that person doesn't want to have sex generally, they're not having sex, they're not initiating, they're not. So things happen because of the needle moves, because of the higher drive Person. That's like wanting to, sure, but the real person in control of whether we have sex or not, how we have sex, the positions, how long, all of those things is the person with the lowest, lower desire. And when I say lower desire doesn't mean that your desire is clinically low, it just means that it's lower than your partners at this time. And that could be because, like, maybe you just maybe just had a Child and in the last thing you want is another person talking on you, perhaps because you're not feeling sexy, you're not feeling attractive sexy or aroused, yeah, and perhaps you have Some undiagnosed or unattended to depression or anxiety around sex.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:Perhaps there's been some sexual trauma in your past causing you that flares up to you, for you anytime you want to be intimate. It could be something like Perhaps you don't like your partner. That could cause your sex desire to be low. So those are all the things that I look for, and when people come in and they complain about sex desire being off, we have to figure out what that just desire discrepancy is about, so that we can, so that we can fix it. But I don't think that there is. You know, systematically, you know, men are always gonna be higher than women, because there are so many things that impact our Desire and motivation to be sexual. There are mental health issues, there are physiological issues, hormones are a big deal, and especially as we age yes, we may.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:We may find that like oh, my sex desire is so low, get on the right hormone replacement in the honey. They can't, they can, it cannot be met right now. So we, and that's a stage of life thing, a timing thing, a hormonal thing. So there are so many different areas and ways that we can. We can be more attentive to our level of desire, changes that are necessary.
Ebony Steele:It's so interesting that you bought up a point when you say that the person with the lower sex drive actually, you know, drives the sexual relationship. And it reminds me of something that my grandma told me a long time ago, that I think that women don't realize how much we drive relationships from the very beginning and we give that power away. Case in point from the first middle school dance, the guy asks us can I have this dance? From the time we started dating, the guy asks us so really, the ball is always in our court as women, because we're constantly being asked hey, will you go with me to the prom? Will you? Can I have this? Will you give me a chance? Can we go, you know, will you marry me? In every part of how we even move through a relationship, women have the power, but some kind of way we give it up, I'm guilty.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:We don't recognize it, we don't recognize the power. We don't recognize the power that we hold, because we're being asked, we're thinking that they're being what, gentlemen, or they're being you know they're being courteous or whatever, but what we have to do and I think it's such an important conversation to have, and especially with young girls right that you are the one that holds the power. You have it. They just want you. You don't even have to look their way. They are coming because you have something that's in desire and wants to start to recognize and own that we have.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:We are the sauce, we are the specials, we are what makes this thing work, then you know there's no stopping us in relationship and life and business, in anything.
Ebony Steele:Right, so interesting it's coming out at that. Well, in the first quarter my book Queen B is coming out, and the book is not Queen B in the sense of little Kim or Beyonce, but mine is Queen B B-E. Queen B for giving Queen B able to recognize your worth. So it's daily, almost like a reminder. You know affirmations but confirmations, to know that as to be a queen and how to pass down our crown. We wear it every day.
Ebony Steele:It sits here but understanding that we have the power inside and outside as a queen and we need to take that and pass that down to our princesses, our other generations, because we're born with it. We're. It's so great to know that, even from a spiritual standpoint. You know, if we realize that we are already born with everything that God wants for us. He died for us for us to have it. And if we reach deep inside, we can have all of those things that we want. And as women, we were born as queen. We were all made individually and specially made with our own pedigree. If we just unlock that or be open to receive everything that's already there, just waiting to come out.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:Absolutely, absolutely Go ahead and give the people a word. Why don't you? I like that?
Ebony Steele:Yeah well, because recently you know well, I've been awakened. It's so crazy how you can sit and you know, realize where you are in life, and then look back and realize two or three years have passed, but unless your eyes are open, there's so many different lessons to be taught during those seasons that you may have ignored that. You're like why is this happening to me? Because I'm the queen of woe is me. But wow, that happened because of this, that happened because of that.
Ebony Steele:But if we all just have the patience, one thing about having faith and that's a season that I'm in right now, going into 2024, is having faith. It's so tough because there's no evidence sometimes that it's gonna happen. And the way that we are built as humans, we research things, you know, we look okay, this happened because of that. But if that, if we're in a season now we are trying to get somewhere and right now we don't see how that's gonna happen, that's a lack of faith. That's when our flesh is coming in. There has to be a higher power that everybody believes in that you know that drives you, if you know that you can get up every day and move around and complete all the tasks that you want to and complete them successfully without a higher power, without God, without whoever heads off to you.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:Yeah, it ain't working that way. It ain't working that way. We all live by. I believe we all live by the grace, the grace of God, and making sure that, like he's out there, making these crooked places straight and even though we may go through the things that we go through, we're going through that because of what's on the other side that we can't see.
Ebony Steele:That thing we can't see.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:There are muscles that need to be developed, there are skills that need to be learned that, yeah, all of those things are teaching us what we need to learn in this moment so that we are better prepared for the next. And in that right, I know that, and one of the reasons why it was so important for me to have you on is because I know you've made some really dramatic shifts in your life. That must have come from somewhere, because you're a walking test. You're a living, breathing, walking testimony from someone who is, we know, has publicly kind of gone through a lot, including breast cancer, as a survivor. How many years are you in this?
Ebony Steele:16 years survivor. Thank you so much and a big shout out to all of the survivors, thrivers out there, and you may think, oh, I know someone that had breast cancer or any type of chronic illness. I know someone and I was there. I saw them go through it. Well, that makes you a thriver and a survivor as well, because if you're the friend of someone or relative, holding the hand of someone as they go through something like a cancer, then you went through that too. So give yourself a round of applause, because it takes a lot to be on either side of those, and hats off. And let's praise even the doctors that the Lord gives and instills those powers into to help and heal us, and even you. Dr Tiff is a doctor. So I think we're all a part of this puzzle in the world just trying to make it, and we all need each other.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:Yeah, we absolutely do. We can't do it without communion. No, and you're alluding to that's what's been really, because go ahead.
Ebony Steele:Yeah, speaking about things that I've been through, oh, what I was gonna say is oh, sorry, oh you're good.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:What I was gonna say is we can't do this thing without community, and that is why platforms such as this is so important to me, because I think that even the conversation that we had that was unplanned, by the way about sex and sexuality, I believe those things come into conversation and come into our awareness because somebody needs to hear it, somebody needs to learn from it. You said it yourself. If you had that question, there's probably 10 other people listening to have that question.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:And how do we know that Divinely got in place that person on this earth in this moment, tuned into whatever podcast channel they wanted, because they needed this little piece of information, this gym of wisdom that you were about to lay out. So nothing is by mistake. Everything is by design, even if I never get to a single question on this. Ah, have you not I don't think that's what we were supposed to do.
Ebony Steele:Well, I think yeah.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:So anyway, yes, let's talk about it, though let's talk about some of the more recent things, the more recent, let's say, revelations that you've come about like that damn it. I need to change some things in my life. What has that been for you?
Ebony Steele:Well, my most recent revelation, I know for sure, is gonna be at elevation, something that's gonna not just elevate me but the life of others. And you know, I've asked God over. I've always asked, even when I started radio over well, almost 20 years ago, I asked him what is my purpose? What is? Because I started in Birmingham, alabama, and then when I got the call to go to Dallas to be on a nationally syndicated show, I've gotta realize I was being heard, you know, one month in one city and within the next year, over 80 cities at one time. Lord, what is my purpose? Well, he showed me he all right.
Ebony Steele:One in eight women will get breast cancer in their lifetime and I was diagnosed with breast cancer. But I realized, okay, gotta be careful what you ask for. But I realized my purpose at that time was to be that person, not just for black women but for all women. You know, if I can still hear her on the radio every day or see her still move about, then maybe that diagnosis isn't so bad. It gives me the strength and the courage to move on and I hope that that's what the 16 years of me having and still being, you know, cancer free, having that diagnosis but most recently, my struggle.
Ebony Steele:In the past few years I've found that things that I've wanted to happen, things in my career people have asked where's Ebony, what's going on with her, and there was an incident that began to kind of shake and rock my world about 10 years ago and I really started dressing it something you know about two or three years ago as far as me and alcohol, and it came to me that and I realized, because I've tried to go so many ways around it, I'm a better person when I am sober. So for the year 2024, I have made a vow to every day wake up and say an every day, not drink. And the reason I do it like that is because I said I'm never gonna drink again, ever, ever, ever in my life. Well, I can't say that because if somebody was standing right here and, you know, was gonna take the life of my sister and said hey, you gotta have a drink before you, or else I'm gonna have a drink.
Ebony Steele:I know that's far fetched, but I try to give myself realistic expectations and I know that if I can for the next 24 hours and say I'm not gonna drink, then that, then that says something. The past two years I've really, really worked at it. I've had some good dry runs more, a lot more doable right up very much. So some dry runs and Amen, I've actually gone away.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:Amen.
Ebony Steele:It's two times to try to work on this matter for myself. And you may say what's the big deal? Well, the big deal was a couple of broken fingers, a couple of broken fingers, a collar bone that was broken. I socket falling down, missing cell phones, not remembering where my wallet is, not remembering dr Tiffany. Right now I know that one of the most Prideful or one of the things I'll hold dear is even at this moment, right now, talking to you. So I'm talking about times where I have had Been to my sister's wedding or been to a friend's baby shower and may not have much memory of it because of the fact that I was either in three states, all the time, about to drink, in the midst of being tipsy or intoxicated or coming out of it and, for those that don't know, alcohol stays in your system about 72 hours, three days. So even if I'm clear and clean for two days, I'm still not a hundred percent ever, because I'm still going in this revolving Circle and cycle and I'm a better ebony when I'm sober.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:What was it for you? That was kind of like last straw. I got it. I cannot live like this anymore.
Ebony Steele:What was the last straw for me? There were a lot of them, so there were straws. There's been many along the way. One that resonates, I think for sure, is the, not the memory, not remembering things. Now, mind you, I'm a 16 year breast cancer survivor, so I went through chemotherapy and they have something that they call chemo brain and that's when you don't remember a lot of things, you're kind of. You know that even exists with me. I have a little fog and from, and I have to take something for that to just to work on my memory. Well then you add, on top of that, you know alcohol, that we know oh my god, what happened last night. So you know, um, remembering things that I need to remember and forgetting things that I need to forget, but also in my relationships with people.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:Hmm, let's talk about that, like how did alcohol impact how you related to people, whether that be Personal relationships or even working relationships? How do you think alcohol impacted your relationships?
Ebony Steele:When, under the influence of act, alcohol or I call it, when I'm in heavy addiction or active addiction antsy, you're very agitated and you're aggravated because everything around you is Interrupting what you really want to be doing, and that's drinking. You know, doing morning radio, I was a person that went in at 5, 5, 30. The radio show is, you know, starts at 6. We're clear by 10, 10, 30. So if you meet somebody for lunch and you have a drink, a drink, a drink, and it's 11, 12, you sit there at 3 o'clock. You go home, maybe do what you got to do, check your emails, check your mail, do a little work, and you have an event that you have to be at that evening that's at 7, and then you're drinking again. It's just this revolving cycle and more alcohol than water or coffee or anything, absolutely With alcohol.
Ebony Steele:I just tried one day and I kept a notebook of how many times alcohol was bought into the forefront or placed in front of me in a single day, and I think that it came out that number to be 23. Every movie that I watched had a scene where someone was going to a bar. Even if I'm watching TV, there's a commercial where they're showing the real housewives and they're sitting having wine. Once again, this is Ebony Steele's choice, no one else. And let me say that if I could drink like everyone else and have a good time and still be sane and still not say things that may be insult people and still have a memory, then I probably would continue to do it. It is like a death. It's a changing of something.
Ebony Steele:I'll always remember when I turned 16 and got a car. I'll always remember when I graduated high school. I'll always remember when I graduated college. I'll remember when I got married. I'll remember when I got divorced and I'll remember when I quit drinking alcohol. It's something. It's major If it's something that you do anyway, back to the 23 times that I was saying that you know in a single day. It's on every TV commercial. It's going to be a beer commercial. If you're driving down the street, you're going to see the restaurants you know happy.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:I was watching the Young and the Restless the other day, which is like I mean I've just watched it all my life. But someone came in the room and as soon as they walked into the house they made a beeline for the bar, got their scotch no eyes, no nothing and knocked it back because they had had a hard day. And you know, my husband was in the room when I was watching it. I was like like who does that? Who walks into the house and the first thing, like she hadn't even put her coat down right, rue herself on on a couch and she was like, oh, I need a drink. I'm like what a life, and it's something, we do it to celebrate.
Ebony Steele:We drink. To celebrate, we drink. So that means we drink when we're happy, right. We drink when we're sad, to feel better. We drink when we're bored, if it's a birthday, if it's a weekend, if it's a and so, after you know a certain amount of time. And alcohol affects different people in different ways. Some people are like a happy drunk, some people are just quiet, some people are mean. I get very aggressive, very assertive. If it's a conversation, I may not be talking like that, but it's listen to me, it's about me. And it's not until sometimes that you look back at videos of yourself or people tell a story. You don't remember it. You're like wow, dr Tiffany.
Ebony Steele:Another thing that I also realized in looking at people around me there are some relationships, romantic relationships, where the only thing that people have in common I'm guilty of it is the fact that we drank. We met at a club, a party or a bar or a restaurant at a drink. One another one, yes, hey, do you want to meet up tomorrow? Yeah, why don't we have lunch and then have drinks then? Then we may have dinner that week. And it's just almost like, without even thinking about it, the pattern of such said relationship. And this happens even with people that smoke weed too Right, and they realize. You realize, if you take this away, what do we really have in common? If we went to McDonald's where there was no bar, or went to I was going to say Cracker Bear, but Cracker Bear has alcohol now, but do they? Uh-huh, yeah, you can get mimosas, you can get right.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:So it's With my fried chicken, okay.
Ebony Steele:Yeah, and there is nothing. I have nothing against it at all. I want to make that clear because before I decided to remove alcohol, one thing I could not stand is a goody two shoes. That doesn't drink, that looks down on other people, that do you know. But this is just for ebony and I've been told that my testimony and my ministry is for girls or women that want to stop, want to stop. I feel that I can be there and be a voice and I want to see God. I want people to see God working me. I'm almost calling this the watch, this project, because if anybody knows me or knows that I've been the life of the party, always a fun time, always going to laugh and have a good time, but didn't have my first drink till 26,. Interestingly enough, I was a designated driver always in college. But in this little last window of time, a lot of the bad things or things that I wish would have turned a different way, turned out a different way in my life has alcohol has been involved.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:Alcohol has been involved. So you recognize that the pattern, the pattern of some of the more negative aspects, more negative endings to things or relationships, or whatever Alcohol was somewhere around there lurking, you know, making, making its presence. What type of support do you feel like you need at this stage, because how long, how long have you been sober?
Ebony Steele:I've been working on sobriety strong for the past two years, me definitely putting my foot down before and within the two years, there's probably been one time that I said and this is right when I came back from 28 days at rehab and I went three and a half four months and when I drank the first time after that, this is what gets you. It wasn't even like a craving, it was like let me see if I can do this.
Ebony Steele:Let me see if I really have the drink and like, oh, I can, okay, if I want to drink, I see now that I can do it and be okay. Well, that was a Friday, so Saturday is the next day. Hey, yeah, I want to go to brunch on me One of my girls, okay, oh, my mosa comes with it.
Ebony Steele:Yeah, I had the drink yesterday, so let me have this. The next thing, you know, it's Sunday, having one again after church, after brunch, and then slowly it becomes a part of the life. In the first week or two it's okay, but then it's that one night that you may binge and then I may have to get up early. See, the problem is well, I was going to say not so much when you're drinking at night, because that becomes a problem too. But if it takes you till two o'clock the next day to really get your wits about you but you're at work at six or seven, then what is your, what is my productivity really looking like? I'm a. You know. Some people say I'm a perfectionist overachiever. So I may be landing, you know, within 80%, 80, make it a 85, a B plus on the test. But just imagine if a hundred percent of people was there, or I remember what a hundred percent of me felt like before I had a drink.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:Right, and I think what? Because some of us have drank for so long we don't recognize the change in us or what we are like when we're not drinking. Some of us have have used alcohol so much socially as a crutch, maybe for social anxiety, maybe just to, you know, take the edge off or relax, or maybe to to avoid or to become more of ourselves or become more of the life of the party, whatever. But we don't necessarily have that self assessment. So I think that I think that's so wise and so interesting that you took the time to to like, look at like what am I like with alcohol, but also what am I like without? How much more productive could I be without drinking? And then assessing kind of where you are, how you're feeling. So don't really look at like we think about the drinking and feel that drunk feeling or whatever that looks like and however alcohol manifests for you, but like the feeling of sobriety and what that difference is for us. Tell us what that feels like, what, what sobriety feels like for you. So bright.
Ebony Steele:Let me tell you the difference with sobriety with me this may sound corny, but it's true. I find myself smiling more because of the. Maybe the thoughts in my head are just clear. One of the things, too, that I'm making sure that I do is to build myself up physically. That has to do with the removal of alcohol, mentally and spiritually. Part of that physical part too as well Excuse me is walking every day. Walking every day, just quiet time to myself. And there is.
Ebony Steele:My mom's nickname is was red. My mom passed eight years ago and we used to always say when there was a red bird outside, that's mom saying hello. Well, when I walk now, two days in a row, I realized that there was a red bird in a tree. That's like five houses down from mine. So now it's a mental thing that I look forward to that when I take my walk every day, somewhere between 330 and 430. I look for that red bird and it makes me happy that it's there.
Ebony Steele:Before you look for the red, when I was Either in one of those three stages about to drink, in the midst of drinking or coming out of drinking I didn't focus on things like that. I'm always playing catch up with Stuff. I didn't do the day before, so I need to do this. And it's agitation, it's. It's not. When I say stop and smell the roses, I guess I'm stopping and watching the red bird. I didn't take out time to do things like that. I actually want to be present.
Ebony Steele:Um, when I was in active addiction, even when I wake up in the morning, okay, I've got to do this at one o'clock, I've got to be somewhere else at 5 30 and I've got to be somewhere else at 8 pm. But I'm scheduling when I can drink in between. So, okay, I know what, this one o'clock, this first appointment, and they're gonna be into me, they're gonna be really paying attention, so I can't drink before that one because they're gonna be able to tell the second one is kind of oh they, cool, cash. Okay, so I can have a drink before that one. The eight o'clock one. I'm gonna have to be on mine, so I would. Almost I knew what spot was what happy hour was close to this spot. Okay, so I can go by heralds. Okay, have a drink there then, such as that.
Ebony Steele:And it's an anything that messes up that schedule. It pisses you off, you're upset, you're mad because this is what you think, or what I thought, that I needed to continue to, to go On. And then you feel like who? I fooled them again today. So you stop by the bar or I did at the end of the night to have another drink. That's my nightcap for the morning. Then in the morning I'm praying that I'm not sick and not throwing up, and then heaven forbid if I have to do something like this already have a full face. So then there's times I'm on TV like From you know, being bloated. So there were so many things and I could even tell when my my uh, my mother didn't get to see me sober. I want my father to see me sober. And when people know you, like my sister and my father, they can just look and tell. They can look and tell. They can look and tell if my eyes are red, like they are now, from my um allergies, or if my eyes are red from yeah, from being tipsy.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:Right? Well, I do want to. I want to share something with you that just came to me. Please just in, in the last moment, and what you said, because and I truly believe this with all of my heart ebony oh god are you gonna make me cry?
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:My god, the thought of what I'm getting ready to say is making me cry. Um, I just want you to know that every time you see that red bird, your mom has seen you sober. Praise god, that is your mom and she sees you and she sees what you're doing. She knows how hard it is and that is her affirming for you that she sees you, she's proud of you, and every you keep going on those walks and you keep looking for the red bird and every time you do it, you need to stick your chest out and let her know mom, I, you see me and I'm sober. Thank you, because she does.
Ebony Steele:That just gave me chills.
Ebony Steele:It means the world To me. And thank me now, thank me. You're telling me. Thank you for allowing me to come into your house, your home, your place, and think it not rob a real person and think it not robbery For me to share my story that people would even care or want to hear. And I want people to know, or women to know, young girls 95 of rapes on campuses have to do with alcohol and I want to be that voice. It's gonna be here, it's gonna exist, if there's a way, maybe, that I could be able to do it.
Ebony Steele:I'm not lying without having to suffer consequences later. Yeah, um, people think I'm not. You know I don't want everybody to go to the bar because it's going to tempt her. It's not like that. It doesn't tempt you from being around it. For me, I think of the consequences, of you know how much I had to pay a lawyer for a dui, how much I had to pay for this, and that. There's so, so many things. I I actually added up at the peak of when I was making A lot more money than I'm making now, when I was in a really, really blessed place and I blew it. It is amazing how much a month that I spent Not just on eating out. Well, eating out comes along with it. It's just amazing. You know, when you find yourself eating out or drinking in your, I'm not gonna ask you how much it was.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:I'm not gonna ask you how much it was, but I am gonna ask you what could you have bought with that money?
Ebony Steele:I could have probably paid my car note three times Per month. Don't freak, you know. And then I'm a, so I'm social with it too. You know what I mean. Hey, get her one. Hey, because you know you don't want to do it alone.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:Yeah, yeah, sometimes. I'm glad you're on this side of it, I'm glad you're on this side of it.
Ebony Steele:I'm glad you're able to talk about it.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:I'm glad you're able to share about it and and again, inspire others with everything that you've been through. I think that you're blessing people just by being here, just by sharing your story just in your own life, that you're blessing people just by being here, just by sharing your story, just in, just so that there are. There are some people that need to go through things to learn things Okay, and it sounds like you were one of those Bags to learn some things. There are others of us who can learn by example, who can learn by others sharing their stories and then saying, oh, oh, oh, oh, that could be me. I don't want to do that. Let me turn over here. So I know that you are here, you are purposed and you are charged with helping those of us that need to learn by your example Not mine, right? This is, this is and it doesn't have to be a cautionary chair tail, it is an awareness.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:It's an awareness be more aware of how alcohol impacts you, be more aware of how your body, your personality, everything Interacts and is impacted by alcohol. I love, um, I love the, the work that you're beginning to do and starting to talk about with Colleges, in particular hbc use, because I know that there are a lot of sexual assaults and rapes happening on those campuses and not that we want to, because I want to highlight hbc use for a different reason obviously, but there is a lot of sweeping under the rugs that is happening on our campuses that we as a people, as a is as as black people cannot ignore.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:Just because we don't want that light shine on our hbc use, because we have so much to be proud of of our hbc, we need to clean that part up Immediately. It has to be cleaned up immediately. So, um, definitely, continue to talk about that. Continue to talk about that because it is very much needed and there are. There are so many stories of women who have been silenced At many colleges across country, but in particular, hbc use, um, and we have to that. We can't tolerate it.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:We can't tolerate well again what we said at the beginning women have so much so much. And you have so much power in your voice and we need to use it. We need to use it.
Ebony Steele:Well, I'm here and I just want to say on the record Dr Tiff, if there's anything that I can ever do for you, you let me know, and if I can't do it for you, then I'll try to help you to find a way. That's my promise. That's my promise to you.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:You know what, and I'm gonna offer the same promise. I love and appreciate you. I thank you. So so, so very much for being here for sharing your story with me and with my audience. I know that people have been blessed. They've learned a lot and they've grown a lot just within the short period of time. You only been talking about 50 minutes, but I know that they've gotten so much out of this conversation. You're welcome back here at any time.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:And we thank you and I believe I want you back as soon as that book drops.
Ebony Steele:I'll be glad to, and while I am, I'm talking about-.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:I want you back when that book drops my sobriety I wanna thank you about.
Ebony Steele:on behalf of everyone, I wanna thank you for continuing to enlighten us and give us knowledge about vaginas and penises and how they pull together, coincide, pull apart, how they operate and how they act. About the G spots, about the. It's a lot of guys that are gonna be happy after this episode, knowing that they really only need two inches to make us happy. I mean listen.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:That's all you need. That's all. But listen, don't just be showing up with two inches and no swinging of the hips and no thrust Like. Don't just sit there with two inches. If you won't come with two inches honey, have a plan Please believe it.
Ebony Steele:Please believe it, we'll just have a plan with it.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:Have a whole plan. Have a whole plan. Honey, you better plan that thing right on now, don't just sit there.
Ebony Steele:You have two of your boys in the car. Hey man, if I text you, I might need you to come help. Help me out.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:I need some help. I need some help. Yes, jesus, oh my gosh, ebony, I can't thank you enough for spending this time with us today. For more information on our guests, please take a gander at the show notes, because we're gonna put any information, any programs, any appearances, anything that she has. It will be there because we wanna make sure you are supportive of her, because she has given us the world and we wanna give it right back, give that love right back to her. So please take a look at the show notes, don't forget to like, comment, share and subscribe to the podcast. And that's it for us today. So, without any further ado, ebony is there anything.
Ebony Steele:No, that's it. You can follow me on all social media. You may have that on you, but real Ebony Steel.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:I will, but go ahead and tell her Okay real Ebony Steel on Instagram.
Ebony Steele:You can finally find me mostly with Ebony Steel. That's E-B-O-N-Y-S-T-E-E-L-E. Ebony Earrington Steel on Facebook and Ebony Steel on Facebook as well. I'm all over the place. I'm even Ebony Steel on MySpace, but don't go there, I know.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:Jesus Okay, all right, let the church say it hey Naya. Have a good day and thank you so much. Thank you so much to everyone that's listening. Thank you, ebony, for being our Love you, Dr.
Ebony Steele:Tiff.
Dr. Tiffanie Davis Henry:We'll talk to you guys later. All right, I love you too, ciao.
